In the lockdown, while I was on regular OPD and ICU rounds at COVID hospital, I started noticing some mild symptoms of the Coronavirus. Being in the medical field and considering the severity of the pandemic situation then, I was very careful and cautious and observed the symptoms closely. The symptoms persisted and I had to self-quarantine myself until the medical test reports came. It was important for me to isolate myself from the rest of the medical team and prevent the spread of the virus. Finally, the report came: I was COVID positive!

“As hours passed by, I could see the pain all round. The two patients lying in my neighbouring beds in ICU were the one whom I had medically consulted a few days back.”

Stunned and slightly devastated; I broke the news to my family who could not believe it either. As a doctor, I could only treat, comfort and empathise with the COVID patients undergoing treatment; completely isolated from their loved ones. But now, I could actually feel the uncertainty of the situation.

I was hospitalized and continued to experience body-ache during the admission. It was a stressful situation where I felt anxious and stressed about everything! My CT scan reports showed mild lung infection on the day of admission but as the cytokines storm developed my lungs were 76 % damaged in 3-5 days and I was short of breath and my oxygen level deteriorated to less than 80. Got shifted to ICU with hi flow oxygen and was on a bipap machine which I had purchased a few weeks ago for the hospital and never imagined that I will be using it for myself one day.

My team panicked and they were looking for air lifting me to either Chennai or Delhi or Bangalore whichever higher centre available to bring me out of danger. As hours passed by, I could see the pain all round. 

The two patients lying in my neighbouring beds in ICU were the one whom I had medically consulted a few days back. The following night, the patient next to me who was on a ventilator expired and that was the same patient I was treating. 

This death devastated me from within and I felt as if I was unknown to what was going to be instored for me next. Slowly started to lose hope as I was on the Bipap machine for continuous hours and was becoming weak with every passing hour. Got the courage to inform my Doctor friends that I shall stay in the same place and would face the consequences.

Had immense trust in my Nursing Team and Doctors. Followed the bombardment of Remdesivir, antibiotics, Pentaglobulins etc. The storm of Steroid effect started on me with extreme weakness and rapid weight loss. My ward boys and nursing guys took good care of me irrespective of the working hours. Fortunately, after 15 days of treatment, and taking proper care and precautions; I was tested COVID negative.

Looking back to those days, I feel that the unpredictability of the Coronavirus situation, the uncertainty surrounding the disease, and the isolation period at the hospital was the main contributor to stress and anxiety rather than the virus itself. 

And then I realized that it is only the mental strength, persistence and will-power which can make you thrive through each day. I am recovering slowly from my weakness now and have started focusing on building mental and physical fitness.

My take-away from the whole experience was that one should work on their immunity, mental health, improve quality of life and always be positive. Stand up to the highest challenge and face the darkest phase of life with courage.